Lars's Dirty Mouth
by jojoDO
Summary: After an unpleasant phone call, Lars quickly realizes that he should talk a bit more discreet around his easily impressionable partner...


**Since Alisa continues to be my true video game love and I want to live vicariously through Lars, I've decided to work on some more fics starring the cutest couple in all of Tekken and most other fighting games. Hope you enjoy!**

Lars and Alisa zoomed down the street as they mowed down legions of the random goons that always wanted to beat them up for whatever reason. Maybe they're being paid, maybe Lars is on a wanted poster, who knows? The battle was going quite well on Lars and Alisa's part. The night was working to their advantage; with Alisa's heightened perception, she had no trouble locating the enemies.

"Lars, on your left!" Alisa squealed as Lars quickly turned around, only to get a fist to the gut.

"AGH! GOD DAMMIT!" Lars choked out as he hit the ground. The goon rushed him but Lars immediately shot to his feet and took him out with a backhand to the face. As another goon closed from behind, Lars quickly turned around and kicked him in the kneecap, then spun around 360 and delivered a kick to his gut, the momentum strengthening the force of the blow.

Suddenly, Lars's cell phone began to ring. Lars immediately stopped and fumbled around in his pocket for it, leaving Alisa to fend off the rest of the goons.

"Lars, is someone attempting to contact you on your cellular device?" Alisa asked. But Lars merely stared at his phone with an unpleasant expression on his face, seemingly paralyzed.

"Lars? Are your auditory sensors working? Laaars?"

Not saying a word, Lars immediately flipped open the phone and turned his back to Alisa.

"What the hell do you want Kazuya?" Lars whispered furiously. Alisa finished off the last goon and turned to face Lars. Curious as to what Lars was saying, she started to slowly inch towards him. She couldn't help but creep closer and closer to him as he grumbled on his phone nonstop. She eventually was right behind him, her ear nearly pressed against him.

"No, I haven't sprouted a monkey tail recently! No, I haven't found any dragonba- WAAIT I know what you're doing! For the last freaking time I do not look like freaking Gu...Gu... Gahkew! And you're one to talk! You look like that anti hero guy with the black hair who can't make up his freaking mind whose side he's on. Vuhgituh or some shit. You know what, it doesn't matter! Don't call this number again, you glowy eyed son of a bitch!"

Lars closed his phone and turned around, only to come face to face with his cute robot counterpart.

"Uhhhh... did you hear that?" Lars asked.

"I heard some of it. I am curious to know the nature of the phone call." Alisa said, eyes wide.

"Well, ah... don't worry about it!" Lars exclaimed, then put his hands in his pockets and walked onward. He was really pissed off now.

As they walked down the street, Lars was completely silent and wore the same grumpy expression. Alisa couldn't help but stare as she walked alongside him. She wanted to break the silence, but she was worried about Lars's response. Finally she just decided to ask a question she had been wondering about for a while.

"Who is the offspring of a bitch, Lars?"

Lars jumped nearly a foot in the air when he heard the curse escape from Alisa. He stopped and slowly turned to face Alisa, who was wearing the most innocent expression.

"Wha... wha... WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Lars stammered.

"Back there on the phone, you referred to that person as the son of a bitch. Who is the son? Have you met the bitch from which he was concieved?"

"Alisa!" Lars yelled. "God, she doesn't know what she's saying..."

"Of course I do. It's the same thing you said during the phone call. Judging by your demeanor after the call, the son must not be a very pleasant person. Maybe the bitch didn't raise him right!" Alisa said with a cute smile.

Lars felt like falling on his face. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

 _What have I done! I taught Alisa such a dirty word... what kind of partner am I?! That's it, time to set things straight. I won't let Alisa lose her innocence because of me!_

Lars composed himself and put on a stoic face.

"Listen Alisa... I don't want you to say that word anymore."

"What word? Son?"

"No! The... one that starts with a b."

"Oh, bitch!" Lars facepalmed when she happily exclaimed the word again.

"Yes, that word! Now don't say it anymore! It's... not a word a lady should use."

"Is that... a bad thing to say?" Alisa asked, a worried expression on her face.

"Yes, it's very bad!" Lars yelled.

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because I made a mistake! Look, when people get angry they say stuff they shouldn't. But that doesn't justify it by any means. Just promise you won't say it anymore, okay?"

"Okay then..." Alisa said, a sad expression on her face.

"What are you sad about?" Lars asked.

"I'm afraid I have offended you or worse. If I have... do you forgive me?"

Alisa looked at Lars with puppy eyes that would make even Dragunov's icy heart melt. Lars turned red as a tomato. He wanted to hug Alisa so very badly.

"Of course I forgive you!" Lars exclaimed. He couldn't hold back the urge anymore as he snatched up Alisa in his arms and squeezed her like a teddy bear. Alisa sighed happily as she threw her arms around Lars's neck and returned the favor, burying her face underneath his chin. Lars wished he could remain in Alisa's warm embrace for the rest of his life, but he finally put Alisa down and started walking onward.

"Cmon Alisa. Let's go find a place to sleep."

"Okay!" Alisa exclaimed, her happy expression restored. She started to walk ahead of Lars when she suddenly tripped and fell on her chin. Lars reached his hand out to help her up, but his concerned face quickly turned to horror when he heard her next words...

"OWW! GOD DAMMIT!"

 **THE END**


End file.
